Why am I a photographer? That is what has been on my mind the last week and half. Right now I am lost, confused, anxious, worried, and scared. The loss of my daddy has completely shook my world to pieces. I feel lost because I am only 27, and the man that I looked up to my whole life is gone. I am confused because I just don’t understand how one minute he is there, and the next he is not. I feel anxious because I have a job to do and I feel like I can’t perform. I am worried because I can’t imagine my future without my daddy. And I feel scared because I have so many decisions to make, and I am scared that I will make the wrong one.
I don’t know if this post is going to make any sense. These really are ramblings from me at this very moment. I am sitting in my home office, listening to Miranda Lambert, drinking a glass of red wine, with the sunshine pouring through my windows. I am not a writer. And I know my grammar and spelling will be horrible. So please bare with me.
You may think that photography is very simple. You just pick up a camera and press the button. Well yes it is that simple for most. For me, its my therapy. Its my art. I don’t just pick up my camera and start shooting. The moment someone contacts me for photos I start to plan their session in my head. How will I place them, what backgrounds do I want to use, what clothes should they wear? Arriving to the session my butterflies start to flutter in my stomach. I hope they will be nice to me. I hope they will talk to me. I hope that I make them feel comfortable. And most of all, I hope they are happy in the end. Next I upload your photos. I pull the best of the best and start editing them. What you see is what you get. I don’t do crazy actions or put crazy filters on my photos. I simply sharpen, adjust the contrast and smooth out the skin if need be. Oh and I remove boogers and blemishes lol. I then blog and facebook and pray you comment. Some do, and some don’t.
The night my daddy died was rough. I couldn’t sleep. I just starred at all of the photos of my dad and I at my wedding. It was such a happy night. He was proud. I would give anything to have these precious moments with him one more time!
The loss of my Dad is probably the hardest thing I have ever gone though in my entire life. I am shocked and amazed at all of the love and support from my family, friends, and clients. I just want to say thank you for being patient with me. I am so sorry if I have canceled your session to be rescheduled. That is unlike me and I apologize.
So again I ask myself. Why am I a photographer?
I am a photographer because I want to create the memories that will last forever even when life does not!